Agents of MAGIC – Hogwarts Year 5: Of Bludgers and Ballrooms 2.78

Danny year 6 avie1As Dumbeldore turned away the pair came on to the stage both taking steady breaths. “Don’t be nervous Belle,” Danny whispered in a voice not his own.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Belle replied in an equally familiar, yet foreign tone. “You start us off.”And with that the two stepped to the front of the stage, to raucous applause.

Danny cleared his throat and gulped down a last bit of nervousness as the applause went down and the crowd’s attention became focused on ‘Dumbeldore’ and ‘Snape’

“I must say, Professor,” began Danny, rocking on the balls of his feet, “these prefect boys and girls have some very odd names these days. Why here at Hogwarts, Hu’s in Hufflepuff, Watt’s in Slytherin, Idanoe’s in Gryffindor… ”

Belle forced a puzzled look “That is what I want to find out, the names of the prefects.”

Danny stroked his faux beard. “I am telling you, Severus. Hu’s in Hufflepuff, Watt’s in Slytherin, Idanoe’s in Gryffindor.”

“You know the boys’ names?” Belle repeated.

Danny shrugged broadly. “Of course.”

“Then who is in Hufflepuff.”

“Yes.”

“I mean, the Hufflepuff Prefect’s name.”

“Hu.”

‘Snape’s face turned red. “The boy in Hufflepuff!”

“Hu.”

“The Hufflepuff!”

“Hu is in Hufflepuff.”
“Well, why are you asking me?” ‘Snape’ yelled back.

“I’m not asking, I’m telling you. Hu is in Hufflepuff.” ‘Dumbeldore’ said with an exhasperated sigh.

“I’m asking you, who is in Hufflepuff?”

“That’s the boy’s name.”

“That’s whose name?”

“Yes.”

‘Snape’ was completely lost.

“Well go on and tell me.”

“Hu.”

“The Hufflepuff.”

“Hu.”

“The Hufflepuff prefect!”

“Hu is in Hufflepuff.”

Belle just stopped and gazed at Danny as if his hair were on fire, to numerous snickers from the audience.

“Are you the headmaster?” ‘Snape’ asked, regaining some composure.

“Yes.”

“And you don’t know your students names?”

“Well I should, I wouldn’t be a very good headmaster if I didn’t.” ‘Dumbledore’ replied with a nod.

“Then who’s in Hufflepuff.”

“Yes.”

“I mean the child’s name.”

“Hu.”

“The name of the child in Hufflepuff.”

“Hu.”

“The child in the black and gold robe.”

“Hu.”

“I mean the name…” ‘Snape’ was practically apoplectic

The ‘headmaster’ just shook his head. “Hu is in Hufflepuff!”

The great greasy bat took a stutter step towards the professor, looking as if he want to throttle him.

“Look, do you have a prefect in Hufflepuff?”

“Certainly.”

“Who is the prefect in Hufflepuff?”

“That’s right.”

‘Snape’ decided a new tact was needed, while the audience began to get into Belle and Danny’s little show. “When the student hands in a paper, how does he sign his name?”

“Hu.”

“The student with the paper.”

“Hu.”

“How does he sign his…”

“That’s how he signs it.”

“That’s how who signs it?”

“Yes.” Danny deadpanned, as Belle grabbed her face in desperation.

“All I’m trying to find out what’s the prefect’s name in Hufflepuff”

“No Watt’s in Slytherin.”

“I’m not asking you who’s in Slytherin.”

“Hu’s in Hufflepuff.”

“One house at a time!” she yelled as jumped up and down in frustration.

Danny fought to control his own amusement, and hoped his smile was one of Dumbledore’s “Well don’t change the students around.”

“I’m not changing anyone!”

“Take it easy Severus.” Danny said in a soothing tone.

“I’m only asking you, who’s in Hufflepuff?”

“That’s right,” ‘Dumbledore’ nodded.

“Okay.”

“Alright.”

The pair shared completely baffled looks.

“What’s the boy’s name in Hufflepuff?”

“No Watt’s in Slytherin.”

“I’m not asking you who’s in Slytherin.”

“Hu’s in Hufflepuff.”

“I don’t know.”

“He’s prefect in Gryffindor, we’re not talking about him.”

Belle looked at Danny in stunned silence as the audience roared their approval. Dan snuck a peek at the real Snape to see the potions master with clenched jaw and burning eyes. The Ravenclaw snickered behind his beard.

As the crowd quieted, Belle continued. “Now how did I get in Gryffindor?”

“You mentioned his name.”

“I mentioned whose name?”

“No Hu’s in Hufflepuff.”

“What’s his name?”

“No, Watt’s in Slytherin.”

“I don’t know.”

“He’s in Gryffindor.”

“There I go back in Gryffindor again!” she said, throwing her hands up in frustration.

Again, the crowd laughed at the faux-Snape’s antics. Danny was pleased that the Slytherin head’s image among the students would have this comical connection, but was slightly worried about his potions score for the remainder of the year. But there was nothing for it now. He winked at Belle and she continued.
“Would you just stay in Gryffindor?”

“Alright, what do you want to know?”

“Now who’s prefect in Gryffindor?”

“Why do you insist on putting Hu in Gryffindor?”

“What am I putting in Gryffindor?”

“No. Watt is in Slytherin.”

“You don’t want who in Slytherin?”

“Hu is in Hufflepuff.”

“I don’t know.”

“Gryffindor!” they exclaimed together, with Belle residing herself to her confusion.

The audience was now laughing freely, and Danny and Belle shared a look of confidence, knowing that they were pulling their act off and it was going over as well as they had hoped. Now they just had to nail it.

“Look, you have a prefect in Ravenclaw?”

“Yes.”

“The prefect in Ravenclaw’s name?”

“Wye.”

“I just thought I’d ask you.”

“Well I just thought I’d tell you.”

“Then who’s in Ravenclaw.”

“No Hu is in Hufflepuff.”

“I’m not asking… Stay out of Hufflepuff! I want to know what’s the student’s name in Ravenclaw.”

“No, Watt’s in Slytherin.”

“I’m not asking you who’s in Slytherin.”

“Hu’s in Hufflepuff.”

“I don’t know.”

“GRYFFINDOR!!”

‘Snape’ shook ‘his’ head and tried to proceed.

“Ravenclaw’s prefect’s name?”

“Wye.”

“Because!”

“Oh, she’s the girls’ prefect for Slytherin.”

“Look, does Ravenclaw have a girls’ prefect?”

“Sure.”

“The Ravenclaw girl’s name?”

“Tomorrow.”

“You don’t want to tell me today?”

“I’m telling you now.”

“Then go ahead”.

“Tomorrow!”

“What time?”

“What time what?”

“What time tomorrow are you going tell me who Ravenclaw girl is?”

Danny sighed a long audible sigh, which blew the long beard out at an angle to his face. “Now listen. Hu is not in Ravenclaw.”

“I’ll curse you if you say who’s in Hufflepuff! I want to know what’s the Ravenclaw girl’s name?”

“Watt’s in Slytherin.”

“I don’t know.”

“GRYFFINDOR!”

“Do you have a head girl in Hufflepuff?”

“Certainly.”

“The girl’s name?”

“Today.”

“Today, and tomorrow’s in Ravenclaw.”

“Now you’ve got it.”

“All we have is a couple of days in the school! You know I like to make sure the students stay in line.”

“We have met before, Severus.” And to this the students broke out in raucous laughter.

“So let’s say that misanthrope MacFoozle has gone and blown up another toilet, and I need help from Hufflepuff’s prefect, I call who for help?”

“That’s the first thing you’ve said right.” said ‘Dumbledore’ as he opened his arms in an accepting gesture.

“I don’t even know what I’m talking about!”

“That’s all you have to do.”

“Is to call for help.”

“Yes!”

“Now who’s coming?”

“Naturally.”

“Look, if I call for help, somebody’s gotta answer. Now who answers?”

“Naturally.”

“Who?”

“Naturally.”

“Naturally?”

“Naturally.”

“So I call Naturally.”

“No you don’t.” ‘Dumbledore shook his head. “You call Hu.”

“Naturally.”

“That’s different.”

“That’s what I said.”

“You’re not saying it right.”

“I call Naturally.”

“You call Hu.”

“Naturally.”

“That’s it.”

“That’s what I said!” Yelled ‘Snape’, jumping off the ground in frustration.

“You ask me.”

“I call who?”

“Naturally.”

“Now you ask me.”

“You call Hu?”

“Naturally.”

“That’s it.”

“Same as you! Same as YOU!”

“So I call for who.” ‘Snape began gesturing with the name of each student. “Whoever it is needs help tracking Foozle and calls for what. What thinks they need I Don’t Know, who’s patrolling the halls with Tomorrow. Foozle is then spotted on the pitch by Because. Why? I don’t know! He’s from Gryffindor, and I don’t give a darn!”

“Eh?”

“I said I don’t give a darn!”

“Oh, that’s our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.”

“GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

As ‘Snape’ went running from the stage in mock anger and frustration, the Great Hall erupted in laughter, cheers and applause. Belle rejoined Danny at center stage and the two bowed.

The real Professor Dumbeldore came wandering back on stage, lookig quite amused. “Please,continue your round of applause for both myself and for the potions master.”

The applause grew louder. “Miss Beaverbrook, I must say that you captured the nuances of Severus’s character perfectly.”This drew further laughter from the students, as well as an evil look from the real Severus Snape. “An additonal 20 points to both Hufflepuff and and Ravenclaw for a job well done!”

The two houses errupted into great cheeers, as Belle and Danny hurried off the stage to greet Cissy and Eric

“So,” Belle looked at Danny, “Never again?”

“Never again.” Danny grinned in reply.

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